No Warranty
You decide against the warranty, satisfied with the value that the financing alone provides.
As you walk home, you can't help but feel a looming sense of uneasiness...
Sure enough, moments after applying the new protector, your roommate Doug bursts into the room urgently asking to know if you're a rising moon Taurus/Sagittarius cusp or whatever the fuck.
Rightfully peeved off, you launch another napalm blast in his general direction.
Look, no one's saying he didn't deserve it, but in the ensuing flames your mattress topper is once again transmuted into a smoldering pile of ash.
"That's just what a Capricorn would do," Doug mumbles as he's burnt to a crisp.
(Doug is easily replaced since he made sure to get the Goof Proof warranty on himself.)
Do you now: